You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
