My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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