Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
