i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
