Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
