I like to think it a success when the cops are called
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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