Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
