btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize