whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
