Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
