you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
