fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
