Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
