she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
