she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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