i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
