you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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