life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
