so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize