your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
