The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
