So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
