Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
