Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
