they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
