just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
