Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
