Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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