my vag is so smooth its legendary
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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