fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
