They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize