i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
