Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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