I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
