Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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