And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
