i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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