how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
