WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
