I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
