My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize