see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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