That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
