dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
