I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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