I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
