I will die if light touches me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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