think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
