dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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