wrigley field is MILF paradise
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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