the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
