so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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