you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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