like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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