There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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