OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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