Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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