You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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