I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
