I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We were destined to go to rehab together
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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