New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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