I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
