I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
