Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
