You smell like a Billy Joel song
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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