I like my sex mixed with concussions.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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