Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
