broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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