Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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