alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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