1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize