Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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