I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
