So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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