i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The struggles of a small town man whore
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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