Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
