that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
