I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
