i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
