i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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