We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
That reminds me...we need to get swords
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
