Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
