Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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