well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize