i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
