'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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