College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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