Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
