I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
