Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
