Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
