Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
