Banned from zoo.
Again?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
