I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize