I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
