wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
