My liver just broke up with me...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
