I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize