So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
