I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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