I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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